sleepless in...

hot, icky, muggy Georgia! And it isn't even hot here yet. That's ok, I will be gone before the really hot weather sets in. But then I will be in Kansas with their hot weather. Hopefully it won't as humid.

So, I am sleepless because in a couple of hours my stud muffin is on a plane to Kuwait. He is leaving Iraq and headed to Kuwait. He will be there for a couple of days, then he is headed to Fort Riley. Then he is home to us. Well, he is meeting us at the beach for a long vacation. What a great way to end this deployment! I SO cannot wait to see him! We were chatting today online and we were discussing what we both got from this deployment. I told him that I grew a stronger appreciation for him and how much we do need him here with us. That our family just doesn't feel complete with him gone. He in turn says that after 3 months I am going to be ready for him to ship out again. I don't think so. I love him and I miss him so much. The kids miss him. Especially Tobbie. She is a big time daddy's girl and this deployment has taken a toll on her.

Tobbie has had some bad behavior these past few weeks and it is really taking toll on our relationship. Today in a hysterical fit, she asked me if we could be friends again. I looked at her and said, "no. No we cannot be friends." I told her that I love her and that I like her, but that I am her mommy. And that mommies and their children cannot be friends. Of course that made her even more upset because she didn't understand what it was I was saying. I don't want to be her friend, I want to be her mother. I am here to guide her and to love her and to teach her to be a good person.

My older brother told me something the other day. He said that he uses it on his football players and that it also applied to parenting. "Deal with the pain of disipline or deal with the pain of disapointment." And it is true. I would rather deal with the pain of disipline now than to deal with an angry, out of control teenage girl. I don't want our relationship to be strained, but at the same time, I have to be a parent. Our home has rules and she is going to follow them.

I never realized how hard parenting was going to be. It's easy as apple pie when they are little. Especially when they can't talk back. I love my children and I want them to be responsible and productive in this world. I want them to be honest, kind and generous and to love life. I want them to be happy and joyful. I want them to fulfill their dreams. I want them to be better than me. Don't we all as parents want our children to do and be better than us? I don't want my children to make some of the same mistakes I have made in life. So, for you my children, DO WHAT YOUR MOTHER TELLS YOU, DON'T TALK BACK AND STAY OUT OF THE TOILET!

I love you my sweet babies!